
This post marks the first in my second year as a weekly poster on Thursday Thirteen. Since I rarely talk about myself on this blog (rolling eyes at my haters and Boog), I thought you would like to hear more about how fucking fabulous I am. Please hold your applause, and humor me by reading about my 13 current obsessions. Sadly, there are more than 13; however, I am going into detail, so I don’t want to make this post TLDR.*
1. Promotion - Why worry when I can obsess? The last interview is still a possibility as no one has been appointed or moved to that position. I put my name in on five (5) new openings this week. Those who obsess get ahead in life.
2. Publication - As if I needed another obsession besides this blog and the Cult of Insanity, I want to see MY writing in print in bookstores everywhere no later than the end of 2011. That’s when I turn 40. I am writing more now than I ever did. Maybe if the right people see this blog, I’ll get discovered. Pimp me out, but don’t steal my shit.
3. Plurk - For the past few weeks, this little obsession is the first second thing I think about in the morning (Coffee is always the first.) and the last thing that crosses my mind at night. Obsessively, I wrote a song about Plurkin.’ Pathetically, I have been dreaming about Plurk and caught myself mlurking (mobile plurking) on the toilet in the movie theater on Sunday. Clearly, I am going to have to face it; I’m addicted to Plurk.
4. Photobucket - This obsession goes hand in hand with Plurk. I am constantly looking for original material, especially in the smiley realm. If I could only figure out the copy of Adobe Photoshop CS3 I stole illegally copied have the rights to own my home computer via the district’s license, I would bedazzle some of my own instead of obsessively searching for the latest and greatest visual for a smack down.
5. Google Reader - Until very recently, I had all my favorite blogs and daily guilty pleasure websites bookmarked in my sidebar, and I clicked away each and every day. On the recommendation of several real world and Twitter and Plurk friends, I decided to try Google Reader. I am affectionately and obsessively referring to GR as my lover now. I don’t know why I resisted for so long. I love all of the features (that I have figured out), and I want to start sharing some of my reads in the sidebar of this blog. That brings me to the next one.
6. WordPress - GRRRRRRRR! I am completed irritated and confused by certain aspects of WordPress, particularly plug-ins. As a perfectionist, I am too proud to ask for help. I am trying to set up multiple features on my template that I just cannot figure out. This one may only be frustration, but I am going to lose my religion trying to get it right. (Those of you who know my borderline agnosticism and loathe for Bible thumpers are giggling at that line.)
7. Clutter - I am obsessively organized. I bitch, moan, and complain about clutter constantly around the house and at work. Yet I do nothing to fix it except read self-help books and blogs. If I showed you a picture of my Monica’s secret closet right now, you would gasp audibly and say in your best Chandleresque voice: “He he he he … You’re messy … I married Fred Sanford.” On the other hand, I also believe that a clean desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, and I want my bookshelves to be color-coordinated and/or alphabetized.
8. Monkey Boy’s Stankonia - On the advice of my Pleeps, I will use duct tape, make him stand in The Terrorist’s wade pool in the backyard, use the HOSE HOSE HOSE, apply copious amounts of Lava Soap followed by “stink pretty” soap, and scrub him raw with a wire brush. How’s that for obsession? I decreed on Monday that he is subject to a daily inspection until further notice (August 11). I am considering watching him apply the anti-perspirant/deodorant he refuses to wear and sending in Boog for his twice or thrice daily shower detail. And speaking of the love of my life, let’s move on to Boog.
9. Boog’s snoring - I have no room to talk because I snore “when I am congested,” but here goes. I harbor a secret, vengeful, obsessive desire to smother him with his pillow while he sleeps. Yes, I’ve tried to obligatory pillow over my own head, poking and kicking him with “turn over, Boog,” and wearing the neon foam earplugs. We recently purchased his and hers humidifiers for our nightstands. We take turns sleeping on the couch when we really need the rest. Boog even had a septoplasty less than a year ago. I am getting desperate at this point which is why I say it has become an obsession. Do you think a Snore Pillow purchase is wishful thinking? P.S. And when he isn’t snoring, he’s twitching and talking about World of Warcraft in his sleep.
10. Craig Ferguson - He’s been making me laugh out loud forever, but he keeps me company from 12:35 AM until 1:35 AM weeknights. He should really “Cut that out!” because I want to sleep in and have to deal with Boog’s snoring. He addresses himself as “TV’s Craig Ferguson.” Are you sure he isn’t on Plurk?
11. Tattoo - I am getting inked sooner than later. No, I won’t tell you what, where, when, or who. It will be custom, and I don’t want anyone thieving my idea. It will be my first (and possibly only), so I want to keep it a big ass secret as long as I can. The only difference between tattooed and non-tattooed people is that tattooed people are way more cool and can kick your ass.
12. Smoothies - Can you believe that it is near impossible to get a snow cone in Las Vegas? Well, it is. That is when Boog and I say: “It’s smoothie time!” Don’t confuse Smoothie Time with Business Time, but it runs a close second when it is eleventy billion degrees in July and August. Besides, Tropical Smoothie has happy hour twofers on weekdays from 4-6 PM. Oh, yeah, we love the Jamba and the King too.
13. iPhone - The real question is: Should I camp out or not? It is mine tomorrow!
The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You’re always
A day
A way!
As far as you are concerned, readers, love me or hate me; it’s still an obsession. Leave me some loving in the comment box. How’s that for obsessive?
*Too Long Didn’t Read is a Boogism. Did you finish ALL of it? That would make you a little obsessive.