But the Words Get in the Way
18 Oct
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
Ayn Rand
I strive to be a better person, sister, daughter, stepmother, wife, educator. Lately, it has been an uphill battle as evidenced by my lack of posts on this blog. Boog and I are both in funks right now … he over school and me over the things I alluded to in the first sentence. So much negativity surrounds me day in and day out. My dad has had a really rough month. Sometimes I think that if the cancer does not get him the treatments will. He was not in good health or good spirits when we were home for my sister’s wedding a month go. Since then, he had to have a pacemaker put in and has gone through two weeks of hell due to side effects, general ennui, and so on. My mom is having intestinal issues and will not go to get a colonoscopy as ordered by the doctor because she insists on taking care of my dad first. My sister is pregnant with her second child. Sigh. While I am so happy for her and my great new brother-in-law, I cannot help to be a little jealous. My work environment is growing more hostile by the day; it takes everything I have to deal with being treated like a second-class citizen on a daily basis. My work as an educator is the only rewarding thing, and I rarely get to just be the mentor and role model I want to be for kids anymore. And, speaking of kids, we have not talked to Monkey Boy in forever, and I cannot help but wonder if I should do something about that even though Boog really does not want me to get involved. And, speaking of Boog, I am so proud of him and what he is doing in school. I know I don’t tell him that nearly enough. I know you can do it, Boog. I love you, and I know that we will both make it through these next two years. And, speaking of the next two years, let’s hope they fly by … I cannot wait to move on from Las Vegas. It is past time to move on with this little adventure. There’s so much I want to say.
Sometimes, I wish a hug could extend through miles. You’re an incredible person, and the fact that these worries DO get to you proves that you’re a great person, sister, daughter, stepmother, wife, and educator.
Much love.
xo
my cajunvegan – you have always been a hero of mine. When I think of the woman I want to be, you and your beautiful self always, always come to mind. I have never known how to be an excellent friend to you so that maybe, somehow I could help you with things. I look so highly upon you that I can’t envision even being able to help you. Somehow…. you always get through.
I can remember being stationed in the sands, and stuff would get bad and I’d be in a funk and then you’d flit across my mind. Many a day I owe to you, because thinking of you helped ease my way.
Nothing I could say or do seems like it’d repay that. so can i just say, I love you. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart. You’re my idol and my hero. I hope and dream it all gets better for you . If I could make it so I would.
(hugs)
You will make it through the next two years. I know you will. You are a strong, brilliant, funny woman and none of the crap being dished out at school will keep you down. I hate that there is so much yuck in your life right now, but you never give up.
Take some time next weekend to try to convince your mom to go and do what needs to be done. The colonoscopy will not put her out of commission for more than the hour she is in the hospital. The results? If something is wrong, she needs to know now, not later.
I wish I could take some of the bad stuff away and make the sky a little sunnier.
Anything you need, I will do for you all you have to do is say the word. I love you both!!!!!
I don’t know what to say, other than: so much at once is so hard to deal with, especially when part of the troubles is the job you have devoted your life to. I wish I could make the problems better.
I have no advice to give you, my dear friend — only love and support. The fact that you bear these burdens is testament to the character of the person you are. Anytime you feel the urge to turn around — I’ll be there, having your back. J’adore.
You are the strongest woman I have ever met. I admire you for that among many other traits. That school, those children are so lucky to have you there. Whether you realize it or not you do make a difference every day.
I agree w/ Persptu that you should convince your Mom to get that test done. I can’t stress enough how important that is. She needs to take care of herself so that she can take care of your Dad. I will continue to keep both of them in my thoughts every day.
I read Boog’s post yesterday and I wished I would have had the right words for him, it’s tough when you are struggling and don’t know which direction to go in. I know that the both of you will get through this funk with flying colors and before you know it you will be on your way back home.
If you need anything at all, you know where to find me, I’m here 24/7 for you. I love you to the sky.
It’s great that you do so much to make a difference in our world with family and school kids. But, even the heros are entitled to feel down and have off-days. I hope things get better soon.
I’m really sorry that you’re going through a worrying time…
From reading the comments above, You seem to have a great support network in place…
I can offer limited support, we live across the “pond” from each other…
Would a hand of friendship and a hug do for now…?
Take care…and remember,
“…The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.” Ayn Rand
I hear you. Getting through chunks of time while in a holding pattern, waiting for something bigger, better, more fulfilling is hellish at best!
The kids at that school are lucky you have their backs. So, so fortunate. One day, they’ll know that.
I pray for Sanford every night. I’ll add Sybil to my prayers as well.
I can’t do much, but I can do that. You know I’m here if you ever need to talk.
Love you!