I Read Banned Books

Well, smack my ass, and call me Sally.  I never thought I would say this let alone blog about it, but my asshole is on fire … literally.  Late yesterday afternoon, I had nachos loaded with jalapenos at the movies.  I woke up in the middle of the night with fire water shooting out of my ass.  It has continued most of the day today despite drinking glasses of fluids and eating despite gut cramps to try to facilitate the digestion process.  In the past, I have eaten jalapenos straight out of the jar/can and had no adverse effects.  Hello, I’m Cajun.  I grew up with Tabasco on everything.  This is obviously food poisoning.

I updated my statuses on Plurk and Twitter to indicate that I had “liquid fire ass” and asked people how long it takes to digest bad jalapenos.  While people who claim to be my friends made fun of me with by embedding songs like “Ring of Fire” and “I’m Burning for You” and recommending Pepto and Tucks, I had a private conversation with the one and only Ashton (a.k.a. LonoDaigle), a couyan ami of mine from Louisiana.  He stated publicly that “for dignity’s sake…i’m gonna private plurk ya….”

This is what transpired after LonoDaigle asked me: “you there??”

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• July 12, 2009 at 22:17 cajunvegan Yes …
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:18 LonoDaigle can’t believe i’m askin this…but your ass? is it burnin?
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:18 LonoDaigle cuz that’s where water is gonna come in the most helpful
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:19 LonoDaigle and….
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:19 LonoDaigle ya know..i must like ya an awful lot….eeew
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:20 LonoDaigle but they make this stuff….like vaseline but not vaseline…carbolated jelly
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:20 cajunvegan – cannot st op laughing, Dude. I love you to the sky.
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:20 LonoDaigle that’ll take care of the redness inside…well..ya know..in yer ass….
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:20 LonoDaigle there..i said it…
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:20 cajunvegan last time I had food poisoning it was on bad mayo … pales in comparison
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:22 LonoDaigle is this food poisoning or did ya just eat too many hot peppers??
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:23 LonoDaigle i food poisoned once on bad guacamole..
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:23 cajunvegan Already feels *milder* talking to you. No, it’s in my gut. I can feel it.
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:25 cajunvegan I feel the earth move.
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:26 LonoDaigle suddenly feels the need to break into song…..this should help
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:26 cajunvegan Go ahead … I may have to blog this later.
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:26 LonoDaigle
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:27 LonoDaigle
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:27 LonoDaigle and it burn, burn burns
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:27 cajunvegan
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:28 LonoDaigle talk about the right songs for the right occassions….
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:31 LonoDaigle just keep watering it..and that stuff for inner ass if its really red n inflamed…i am truly sorry to hear about this
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:31 LonoDaigle for all the humor involved i know its uncomfortable n i hope it feels better soon
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:32 cajunvegan Thank you for your assvice.
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:37 LonoDaigle assvice!!! lmao..
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  July 12, 2009 at 22:37 LonoDaigle

With friends like this, I know that this too shall pass.