If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you know about Monkey Boy. He is my stinky but lovable stepson. He lives with Boog’s practice wife, Shoeless Sue, in Colorado. He is hopelessly devoted to his mother and his younger brother from another father. He is usually with us by now for the summer, yet he has yet to arrive. I know you anxiously await my Monkey Boy tales. This may be the only one you get this summer, for he has earned my disdain.
In brief (because I could definitely be verbose with this post), he failed Algebra II this school year and is in summer school to retrieve the missed credits. His mother told us. She claims that she did not know he was failing. (Insert my rolling eyes and cough BULLSHIT cough.) She told Boog via phone at the end of May because she knew we would be purchasing his ticket soon. She stated that she asked Monkey Boy to call Boog himself and tell him. Well, guess what? Today is June 30th, and Monkey Boy has not manned up yet. Oh, but wait, there’s more …
Boog has talked to him a few times since via phone; Monkey Boy did not grow any balls. Boog assumed Monkey Boy would call him on Father’s Day and would be forced to tell him. No Nuts called the house while we were out and left a fucking Happy Father’s Day message on the home phone. (At least, it was not a text message the day after like I got for Mother’s Day, but that is a whole other post that I am not getting into today.) For what it is worth, Monkey Boy has both of our cell numbers and has no problem calling or texting us when he needs or wants something. Boog did not return the phone call and has not talked to him since. He is hurt. When he is down, I am down. When I suggested to Boog that he should call Monkey Boy on his cowardice and failure to properly wish him a Happy Father’s Day, Boog stated he was not going to talk to Monkey Boy about it lay guilt trips on him like Shoeless Sue does. However, he did not tell me to stay out of it, so I took matters into my own hands.
Last night I texted Monkey Boy under the pretense that I had lost his email address (which I did not). Of course, he did not respond until today as follows:
MB: It’s still istankandspankmymonkey@gmail.com. Did u guys get the message I left on Father’s Day?
CV: It was not appropriate for you to leave your dad a MSG for Father’s Day. You have both of our cell #s. He was hurt, and I am disappointed.
He has yet to reply. I think I am going to let his little brain marinate for a day or two and then I am going wicked stepmonster on his ass.
This will definitely end up being a life lesson learned by the Monkey Boy.
I absolutely love that “Boog stated he was not going to talk to Monkey Boy about it lay guilt trips on him….”
I agree with you in letting him marinate for a day or so, I hope he steps up to the plate and that you get the situation rectified sooner rather than later.
It may be a life lesson that he resents now, but it is one he needs to learn. It may not make sense to him now, but somewhere down the road something will finally “click”, and he’ll get it. Well, maybe.
Sometimes we need to hear what we already know. Having someone else say it out loud makes it real. Of course he knew that leaving a message wasn’t good enough, but he was trying to get away with it. I’m glad that you stepped in and spoke up!!
As a mother who has had to dole out some tough love this past semester, I feel for you. I hope he comes around very soon and calls his dad. My son, would try to hide his bad grades, even though he KNEW we would find out, and that the longer he lied or covered up, the worse the consequences would be. Yet, he didn’t seem to be able to help himself because he just couldn’t face our disappointment.
MB has dug himself into one of those holes that seems so big to him. As soon as he calls his dad, it will be a huge relief to him. He just doesn’t know it yet. Unfortunately, it sounds like MB is with a person who is fairly lax in that area. He needs the influence of people like you – you know, voodoo practicing, tattoo-wearing, caring people.
Good for you! I hope the next time he calls asking for something you ignore his request! And I don’t believe for a minute mom didn’t know he was failing. We check our kids’ grades on a near daily basis, the only delay being when a teacher doesn’t post grades regularly.
I am a new reader but look forward to many Monkey Boy stories!
Love your tweets!!!
-Kellee AKA Queen_of_Snark (Twitter)
*throws in some African Ju Ju, King Solomon Seal and Van Van for good measure*
Perhaps you should send him a pic of your new tat to influence his current state of (less than) manhood…
Oh man, is this what I have to look forwards to, times 2? Shoot me now.
I’m so sorry. I know how much This stuff hurts you both. (((hugs))) I hope he mans up soon, if not I’ll smack him when he gets here. Xoxoxo
I’m so sorry. I know how bitter this type of disappointment can be.
Yikes! That’s bad even for Monkey Boy. I’m glad you called him on it! Now it’s time to get Voodoo on his stinky ass!
I hope Monkey Boy mans up and apologizes to his father, and to you. And i hope Boog & Monkey Boy have a good, long talk.
xoxoxo