I Read Banned Books

Dear Sunday Nights After a Four-Day Weekend:

Oh good Lord, you suck.  If you were a person, this is what I would do to you:

It just hit me that I might actually like Mondays.

Shudder.

Some Sundays just suck.  That is all.

I drugged Boog and made him go with me to a paella cooking class today at Cafe Ba Ba Reeba.  He even wore a Charlie shirt for the occasion.  Albeit, it was a little wrinkled.  There were people there.  He had a “good time.”  Those of you who know Boog in real life are ROTFLOL at the sheer irony in the last two statements.  It must have been the hot chocolate, churros, mixed greens salad, bacon wrapped dates, spinach stuffed mushrooms in a lemon butter cream sauce, sangria, paella, and triple milk chocolate cake that made him happy to be around “people.”  He even needed little encouragement when it came time to volunteer to be a guest chef.  Boog’s first attempt at paella proved to be a delicious and memorable one.

He might be the King of Paella, but I’ll always be the Queen of Jambalaya.  Seafood, saffron, and rice ~ That’s What I’m Talking About!

P.S.  Check out his new ink in the picture.  I call it Enter the Dragon.  Maybe he should take up tauromachy next.  I would love a trip to Spain for a traditional paella.

I have the day after Thanksgiving blues, and I am a bit pissy today.  Who the hell am I kidding?  I am a

I ate way too much food yesterday, drank entirely too much wine, and did not sleep worth a shit last night.  How is it that Boog is unemployed, but he gets the Xannies and can snore loud enough to wake the fucking dead?  I’m hoping to snap out of whatever this funk is before I rip someone’s head off and shove it up their … well, you get the picture.

In the meantime, this excellent bit by the late Richard Jeni may ‘splain it away:

On a positive less Psycho Hose Beastish side note, congratulations Biddy of Biddy’s World and Beverly of Beverly’s Yarn Crazy.   They are the winners of the Plurk Holiday Giveaway Contest.  Specual thanks are extended to Tessa of Not A Mean Girl for organizing the entire event.

Now that I am cleverly disguised as an adult and homesick for the holiday I have been reflecting on my childhood Thanksgivings.  Today I would like to use my Thursday Thirteen post to share with you what would be a typical Thanksgiving from my childhood years.

1.  Like any Southern family, it is all about the food with mine.  The main attractions were the baked and fried turkey, ham, and pork roast. Yes, a minimum of three different meats were required.

2.  Side dishes included cornbread dressing, rice dressing, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, broccoli and rice casserole, and corn casserole.  If there was a casserole out there, we ate in on T Day.

3.  There were usually an assortment of gravies and sauces because everyone had a favorite. Southern women aim to please.

4.  Relishes and salads were also common.  My dad’s favorite dish on Thanksgiving was a fruit salad that he his mother made every year.  I still remember the giant yellow bowl she used to serve it in.  I think my cousin has that bowl now.

5.  Breads and rolls were aplenty.  The majority of them were homemade.  I still remember that my dad’s sister made fresh croissants each and every year.  It is funny how, to this day, I still love the brown ‘n serve rolls the best.

6.  Desserts were the pièce de résistance for the Thanksgiving meal.  Every pie imaginable was served.  I have never really been a pumpkin pie kind of girl, but I will knock someone over for a slice of pecan pie.

7.  Thanksgiving also marked the beginning of spiced tea season in my family.  From this day on, the aroma of orange, cinnamon, and cloves wafts through the house.  And, there was nothing powdered about this stuff.

8.  I suppose I have also continued the tradition of being a wineaux because I cannot remember a Thanksgiving that did not incude wine and cheese with countless hors d’oeuvres before, during, and after the meal.  I am still partial to deviled eggs, sweet gherkins, and pickled okra.

9.  Thanksgiving dinner was served promptly at noon.  Several of my dead relatives would roll over in their graves to know that I often dine in the evening nowadays.

10.  Football and naps followed the meal.  Real women watch football, too.  ‘Nuff said?

11.  Afternoons for the children and teenagers often included board games, cards, and charades.  If the football games were over, everyone played.  I really need to teach my Las Vegas friends how to play bourré.

12.  Late afternoons and evenings were reserved for taking in a movie or watching A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th Street, White Christmas, or It’s a Wonderful Life to prepare for the next big holiday.  After all, there was usually less than one month to Christmas.

13.  For the past 13 years, new Thanksgiving traditions abound in this girl raised in the South’s home.  Boog and I are strays again this year, but our Las Vegas family, Popping Bubbles and Digital Rob, have invited us to their beautiful home to share in their own traditions.  For this, I am most thankful.  One cannot cook a feast for two, and I was not in the mood for another Las Vegas buffet today.  I can introduce my Southern style cornbread dressing to my Las Vegas family.  Ah, I guess I continue to make my own Thanksgiving traditions after all.

What are your plans for today?  What traditions will you be renewing or introducing?  How will you show gratitude?

“Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.”

“How many are coming?”

“Just lay back and take it easy–I’ll do the rest.”

“Are you ready for seconds yet?”

“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”

“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”

“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”

“How long will it take after you stick it in?”

“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”

“Are you going to come again next time?”

“It’s a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?”

“Just wait your turn. You’ll get some!”

“Don’t play with your meat!”

“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”

“You still have a little bit on your chin.”

“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”

“Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”

“Just reach in and grab the giblets.”

“Whew…that’s one terrific spread!”

“I am in the mood for a little dark meat.”

“Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.”

“Talk about a HUGE breast!”

“And he forces his way into the end zone!”

“She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.”

“It’s cool whip time!”

“If I don’t unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!”

“It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.”

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Happy Day Before the Day Before Thanksgiving!  Why is it that three-day work weeks are nucking futs?  This hysterical forward from my email box will have to suffice for a post today.  Don’t forget to visit the blogs mentioned Sunday and leave comment love for the holiday contest.

The following the installment in moments from the dean’s office took place on Friday after I had been alerted that a seventh grade student had flashed a shiny object wrapped around his fingers at another student between first and second periods.

CajunVegan:  Do you have anything in your possession that you are not supposed to have at school?

Kiss My Brass:  (As he reaches for his pocket) Do you mean the weapon?

CV:  Put your hands on the desk NOW!

KMB:  Oh, Meese, but it’s not a gun or a knife.  I put that on mi abuela.

CV:  What do you have?

KMB:  Brass knuckles

CV:  Okay, go ahead and take them out and hand them over to me.

KMB:  (Complies) You gonna call 5-0?

CV:  Yes.  I have to.  It’s …

KMB:  … on the expulsion poster.  I’m fucked, huh?

CV:  You might say that.  Why do you have them at school?  Is there anything I need to know?

KMB:  I’m gonna get jumped after school by XYZ Gang.

CV:  Why?  Are you getting jumped in?

KMB:  No, Meese.  I ain’t in no gang, but my homies are.  You know, talk shit get hit.  Cholo called my mom a puta.

CV:  Si, it makes complete sense now.

On a side note, it is a three-day work week.  Have a great Monday and don’t forget to visit the blogs mentioned yesterday and leave comment love for the holilday contest: