I Read Banned Books

13.  Three words:  Three day weekend!

12.  Attention, Swiss Miss:  You make me want to stab myself.  Repeatedly.  In the head.

11.  “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

10.  My teeth hurt.

09.  I’m a PC who is a Mac wannabe.

08.  Hmm … I thought Duct Tape was reserved for JT and Shia.

07.  Do you remember Heads Up Seven Up?  I am going to see if I can get 1200 plus students to play it today for shits and giggles.

06.  Clearly, I am iTarded.

05.  Stinky farts may help regulate blood pressure.

04.  Why haven’t you tried Ben & Jerry’s Cake Batter Ice Cream yet?

03.  Three more words:  My friends rock!

02.  Trick or Treat?  My husband was laid off from the company he has serviced for almost 12 years Tuesday.  The casino industry is in the toilet.  You heard it on I Read Banned Books first.  Will Blog for Cocktails.

01.  Long time readers know I rarely touch religion or politics on I Read Banned Books, but I cannot contain my excitement any longer.  Psycho Hose Beast for Obama!  Have you voted yet?  Early voting closes tomorrow in Nevada.  GObama!  Even Opie’s doing it.

Life comes at you fast.  In a nutshell, we are fucked.

On the Monday to end all Mondays in the book of worst ever Mondays, I had students text messaging threats to each other, a fight during lunch, an incident of battery for hire, a student stabbing another in the hand with a pencil, five parents who were angry with Swiss Miss, and this email from a teacher that undoubtedly was meant to have my immediate and undivided attention:

I would like to ask for help from someone with regard to an increasingly annoying behavior in my classroom.  The boys in period 1-2 have decided that it is funny to fart in the classroom.  I have brought a can of Lysol, but they have decided it is like a contest.  One will fart and then another and another until the smell is terrible.  They laugh and think it is funny and I am at a loss as to what to do.

So, I leave it up to you, I Read Banned Books regulars, sometimers, and lurkers, what advice would you give this teacher?

I seriously started an email back that said:  Deep down inside people want to smell other people’s farts.

Sometimes I just need:  a hug.

Sometimes I want:  it all … delivered … with a big red bow on top.

Sometimes I like to:  think about the what if’s.

Sometimes all it takes:  is a sappy commercial to make me cry.

Sometimes I picture:  living in another part of the country.

Sometimes I wish:  I had never left the classroom.

Sometimes I find:  that I am really homesick.

Sometimes I take:  people I love for granted.

Sometimes I look:  in the mirror and wonder how I got to be 37 years old.

Sometimes I hate:  the unknown.

Sometimes it’s nice:  not to sweat the small stuff.

Sometimes it hurts:  to explain why I am childless.

Sometimes it makes me happy:  to stay in my pj’s all day on the weekend.

Sometimes it’s sad:  that I have more unread books on my shelf than finished ones.

Sometimes I listen:  for the words I long to hear.

Sometimes I sleep:  on your side of the bed (especially when The Terrorist insists on sleeping on mine).

Sometimes I like to watch:  Deadliest Catch (even though I put up a fight when you insist on it).

Sometimes I feel:  lonely, blue, sad, incomplete, meh.

Sometimes I rant:  about things out of my control.

Sometimes I never:  give things a second thought.

Sometimes I really:  wish for the stars.

I discovered Muse today when Tense Teacher mentioned them in this entry (another freaking meme I’ll surely thief for another day).  I’m addicted.  And, they definitely pay tribute to the High Priestess of Soul better than Buble does.