What’s Grosser Than Gross? (TT 57)
7 Aug
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
~Aldous Huxley
I jest about being Monkey Boy’s wicked stepmonster when in reality I am his “other mom.” (That’s what he tells his friends anyway. Smile.) Monkey Boy returns to the commune in Colorado on Monday. This visit has been eye-opening, nose-covering, and mind-blowing. During the 2008 summer break, I learned many truths about Monkey Boy and will exploit him for this week’s Thursday Thirteen by revealing them to you.
1. He doesn’t wash his hands.
2. He bites his dirty fingernails.
3. He doesn’t clean inside his ears.
4. He puts his boogers on the wall and the furniture.
5. He pees on the side of the toilet and the floor.
6. He doesn’t always flush when he pees and shits in the toilet.
7. He never brushes his hair.
8. He picks at and peels off his skin.
9. He has oozing zits and tons of blackheads.
10. He has been known to wear the same clothes for up to four days at a time.
11. He licks his fingers between bites when eating.
12. He does not bathe daily and refuses to wear deodorant/anti-perspirent.
13. He spanks his monkey now and used one of my brand new Clorox FreshCare kitchen towels as a cum catcher!
I personally found it in his bed when changing his sheets earlier this week. He claims he uses it for his pillow after he takes a shower. Note the location of his pillow and the location of the towel.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (And, no, I won’t show you the stain.) The title can be answered with five words: Monkey Boy is grosser than gross! I think Monkey Boy’s “other mom” is still a wicked step-monster after all.
LMAO oh dear god
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! He looks so sweet and innocent. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go and check my walls and furniture for “left behinds.”
oh for the love of all things holy (aka expensive damn clorox!) can someone teach him to use a sock like every other red blooded american boy? Seriously – those are crusty anyway and we’d never give it a second thought
lolololol toooooo much information lol
I’m sure you’re very sad to see the back of him!
That is soooooooooooooooooo disgusting!
But I am sure you will miss him while he’s gone. And just think he’ll have even worse habits when he comes back from the commune next time. LOL
P.S. Tag you’re it!
http://www.missattitude.us/2008/08/07/tag-youre-it/
I was trying to eat my breakfast while reading this (yogurt) and I had to stop eating. Nuff Said!
omg… what an age to be going through. If it’s any consolation… they normally DO grow out of it….eventually. Maybe next summer will be better!
Good. Lord.
The horror, the horror.
This is grosser than gross. Just the thought of him rubbing one out and then not washing his hands, or biting his nails, or shedding his dead skin around the apartment is just killing me. I think I’ve been put off food
all dayfor a few minutes.Yeah that really is TMI.
Ok, that’s GROSS!!!
Eeeek!
*hugs*
Paige
My TT is at http://tinyurl.com/4zejcp
As one male to another – yes use the sock dude use the sock. Moms generally notice when their kitchen towels get funky! Just a bit too gross, but funny nonetheless. Happy TT!
Way TMI. This brings back horrid memories of raising my little monster. Pubescent male teens are no different whether they’re yours or someone else’s. They’re all gross. I thank God mine ha a wife now to “clean up after him.”
Thanks for the laugh.
I’m teaching my son how to do his own laundry, NOW!
oooh… poor Monkey Boy. I always feel so bad for him. And for you guys. I know how much you worry about him.
I’m so guilty of number 8. It’s a hobby of mine. Heh…
Thank God I have a daughter!
HAHAHA! My nephew is coming into his own…t-shirts. My mom said she wondered why he always wanted to do some laundry. Then she figured it out
Poor kid, nocturnal habits exposed & he’s warped for life. Think he needs 6 years at a boarding school like me, cause look how perfect they made me!
My mother always said the best home setup for any children was that of rooms tiled four feet up the walls with drains in the middle. Once you completely bleach out and fumigate any and all objects and surfaces in your home after this kid’s visit, I suggest you take my mom’s suggestion seriously. Either that, or get Boog to get the child’s mama to please please please put this kid on the Godly track to cleanliness.
@ Godfather – I did use someone’s name in vain too.
@ poppingbubbles – Socially inept does not equal innocent.
@ Just Jen – My husband said the same thing about the sock. I am pretty sure they had a conversation.
@ Elaine – Never TMI on this blog. Never.
@ Nicholas – I would have lost what is left of my mind.
@ Miss Attitude – Next visit will require proof of current vaccination and an etiquette course.
@ Tricia – The title should have said it all. LOL!
@ JennyKat – He’s been this way for the last four summers.
@ Citizen Jane – The fodder. The fodder.
@ Dingo – I now watch him wash his hands.
@ KC – Never TMI on this blog. Never.
@ Janet – I KNOW!
@ Paige – A mouse might be cleaner than my monkey.
@ Chris – Duh, right?
@ Veronica Lynne – My only wish is that he grows out of it so no one else has to deal with it.
@ Saintseester – He usually does do his own laundry. I was trying to speed things up while he was in the shower.
@ Claudia – Do NOT feel sorry for him. His give a damn is busted.
@ Yoonamaniac – That’s gross, especially for a girl.
@ Topsurf – Seriously jealous
@ thehawke – He usually does do his own.
@ Bronsont – He has no idea I blogged about it. I’ll show his wife or husband someday.
@ Liprap – Trust me; we are working on it with Shoeless Sue. However, her name suggests her essence.
Oh my…..yep, he sounds like a boy…but a dirty one at that. How do you know he spanked his monkey on your towel??? Never mind…Happy TT and thanks for stopping by. Good luck with that, from the mother of 2 boys.
Is he on drugs? I can’t imagine anyone neglecting themselves unless they’re messed up on something.
Oh my hell!
I may need to rethink this whole procreation thing.
Ay-yi-yi!
Oy, I’m glad I have girls. Eww.
Yipes.
I really hope he doesn’t ever read this.
@ Bec – We will be bloggy friends for life now.
@ Lori – Evidence was collected.
@ cristitip – He is not on drugs. Don’t make a comment like that on a blog you obviously don’t follow.
@ Sandy – At least the wanting a boy next thing.
@ Lisa – You should be.
@ Bo – I hope he does someday.