This one has been percolating and marinating for four days. That’s how long it has been since Monkey Boy showered or even changed his clothes. I know. I am more horrified than you are; trust me. I just do not understand why he has not caught on to the personal hygiene thing. At 15 and a half years old (and supposedly interested in girls), he does not bathe unless he is directly instructed to do so. I have not said anything purposely to him or to Boog to see how long it will go before he bathes, but now I am at the point of going psycho hose beast apeshit Wicked Stepmonster on him with these in the driveway for the sake of good old fashioned public humiliation:
You are probably thinking “it cannot be that bad.” Well, it is worse than that bad, and I just don’t understand it. I have spent every summer and winter break for the last five years trying to “get” Monkey Boy. He only started to do this after he moved back to live with Sueless Sue in the commune when he began fifth grade. When he was with Boog and me full time, he bathed once (sometimes twice) daily and was wearing deodorant in fourth grade. Boog and I have talked to him about personal hygiene both separately and together. Monkey Boy knows the rules and expectations when he is with us, yet we deal with this each and every time he is here.
I blame his mother. I really do not think he would do it here if she does not either model it or allow it to happen there. This is doubly frustrating for me as a school administrator. I cannot tell you how many times I have placed that call to the Department of Family Services for a student that is obviously being neglected. I shudder to think that one of his teachers or an administrator is thinking the same thing about Monkey Boy. It is past time for this to be addressed with her. In the meantime, the beatings will continue until hygiene improves.
A wicked stepmonster hosed her Monkey Boy and
Very roughly scrubbed him up and down,
Up and down, up and down.
And while she skinned him, she sang:
“I’ll ride your ass forever
I’ll haunt you always,
As long as I’m living,
My project you’ll be.”
Nice switcheroonie to the words to my fave song to sing to LW! LOL! I think this issue needs to be addressed. I can’t believe he doesn’t get any flak from school friends for being this gross.
Brava and good luck, chica. It may take something totally drastic — like the mocking of his peers or, worse yet, a young lady — to get his attention. Meanwhile, hang in there. And remember to breathe through your mouth — it’s less stinky that way.
I know thirty five year old men that haven’t showered since Tuesday.
Good for you for nipping this one in the bud.
I cannot believe Shoeless Sue has never been contacted by school officials. My mother is a guidance counselor and would never allow a student to have such hygiene issues to go unaddressed. I say go for hosing Monkey Boy down paired with public humiliation, preferably with a teenage girl neighbor watching. Embarrassed in front of a girl should help!
In the meantime, I’m holding my nose while reading these posts!
I used to live with a bloke (in a half the rent, not half the bed way) who didn’t bathe for whole weeks. When we called him on it he told us he had lost his sense of smell.
We later found out he was just a lazy tosser when he told us he could smell burning coming from the kitchen.
Get ‘im wit’ da hose!
Poor Monkey Boy…. Poor Cajun Vegan…. This is just a very sad story….
I really feel sorry for him, the way his mother is ignoring this issue. And, like you, I don’t get it. How can he not realize how disgusting this is?
@ all commenters to this post: We are working on this issue. I may not be talking about it for a while. Perhaps I have already said too much. Thanks for letting me vent.
He’s really not showering? Why the hell does she let him do that? I know, I know, some questions have no good answers.