Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, What’s That Smell?
7 Jul
Fish and visitors stink after three days.
~ Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1736
Monkey Boy stinks. He has deadly B. O. I write this less than two days after his arrival, so Benjy was wrong. The stankified pube sits across from me on the love seat as I type these words. I just sprayed him with Lysol and cautioned him that he needs to stay there by his lonesome, as no one wants to be anywhere near him. This odor is indescribable. If there were a virtual scratch and sniff, I would attach it to this post. However, NO ONE should have to smell this.
WARNING! Stank alert! Duck and cover won’t help you here!
CV: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, what’s that smell?
MB: I don’t smell anything.
CV: Obviously, you don’t because IT’S YOU!!!
MB: I took a bath.
CV: Standing under running water and playing with yourself does not constitute a bath.
MB: I shampooed my hair.
CV: (Holding back the psycho hose beast and the wicked stepmonster) Tomorrow you will get the how to eliminate body odor lesson.
MB: Again?
CV: (Counting backwards first in head from 10 to 1 and then cackling maniacally) I’ll get you, my stinky, and your malodorous soul, too!
Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
LOL!!! OMG, I like Psycho Hose Beast! Something fit for Hitchhiker’s Guide for sure!
PS – BO is teh suck.
The Someecards site rocks. Doesn’t make the stankiness any more bearable.
It might be his feet, not necessarily BO.
Most BO is actually wiped away by standing under water, not soap necessary.
I had a student this last year whose foot odor was bad enough to get through his shoes.
-Mr. W.
Yuck! I’m so glad you couldn’t attach a virtual scratch and sniff;) Maybe some deodorant will help too!
Aren’t all the teenagers wild for that AXE stuff? It’s like all-over deodorant – I’d give that a try. Better to smell like a man whore than what I can only imagine he smells like now…
It’s nice to know some things don’t change. LOL!
Yeah, try some odor absorbers in the shoes. Or even better, toss the shoes. My son’s feet generate the weirdest odors when his shoes get old.
Reminds me of homeless people in subway trains in NYC who clears the car empty.
Oh, some Japanese came up with smell over the net thing. Have you heard?
But does it smell like Donkey Kong? Because the way you describe it, it sounds like he smells like what I imagine Donkey Kong would smell like.
OMG – what a timely post to read as i sit here taking a break from megaton housework….all sweaty and stinky. Fortunately it’s only the dog, cat and I.
@ Jared ~ PHB started as a nickname from Boog, but I decided it was damn near perfect.
@ Home ~ WTH, DSyzdek? Yes, they rock. Stank doesn’t.
@ Mr. W ~ Oh, it’s not his feet. I checked. It’s his pits. Shoeless Sue doesn’t make him wear deodorant or antiperspirant. Fucking savage.
@ Miss Attitude ~ See above. It’s not a choice in this house. Period.
@ Mrs. Chili ~ Been there, done that. SS doesn’t buy him any when he’s with her. I’m going to ship it to him every month now.
@ Perpstu ~ Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
@ Saintseester ~ It really isn’t his feet. He probably doesn’t even wear shoes at the compound.
@ Yoonamaniac ~ I’ll pass.
@ Dingo ~ He smells like a homeless person.
@ Charlotte ~ I no longer walk down wind from him. He must be behind me at all times.
Hmmm…. I wonder what he’s eating…. Body odor is often related to what we eat – garlic, asparagus, etc. Poor guy. Does he use BO juice? maybe some deodorant soap? Girls don’t like smelly boys – that’s your leverage.