PMS = Promoting More Smiles (TT 52)
3 Jul
I am still blogging despite anything I implied on this blog, Twitter, or Plurk. I had two uncomfortable experiences this week with attribution on top of the havoc the Hormone Hostage is wreaking. I’m over it, and I am moving on with this blog because that is what the voices are telling me to do.
With that said, I give you this week’s Thursday Thirteen. It is for Boog’s ultimate survival during Hormone Hostage Week in the I Read Banned Books household that I am posting these tips.
13 Don’t You Fucking Ever Cross the PMS Line Rules for Hormone Hostage Week:
1. Don’t ask me if I am PMSing, or if “it’s that time of the month again.” Come closer and say it again. All jokes about PMS are hazardous to your health.
2. Don’t mention the zits on my face or offer me any chocolate or caffeine. Despite anything I do or say, this does not fucking help.
3. Don’t suggest I take any less or more medication. It is NOT all in my head, and I am NOT overreacting.
4. Don’t walk away from me when I am talking. I will NOT be ignored.
5. Don’t dare ask if I want some. You may be replaced by a toy at any time.
6. Don’t try to reason with me. You are an idiot.
7. Don’t try to correct me. I am never wrong.
8. Don’t try to appease me. Nothing you suggest is good enough.
9. Don’t ask me what is for dinner. Cook your own damn meal.
10. Don’t leave a piece of dirty clothes anywhere except the hamper. I am not your maid nor your personal assistant.
11. Don’t assume I am feeling better if I laugh or smile. I was envisioning you passing a kidney stone in my head.
12. Don’t tell me to calm down or to relax. I know where you live and when you go to sleep.
13. Don’t take anything I do or say personally. I still love you to the sky, asshat.
Oh em gee! I.love.this.post. Thank you for giving me something to make me laugh! I reserve the right to print and post this blog on my office door and/or at home whenever I see fit!
Am really sorry making PMS joke on plurk… will you ever forgive me?
LOL… sounds like the way I feel girl. I swear the entire blogaverse is cycling together! lol
LMAO! Oh, wait.. maybe I shouldn’t laugh. And I would never walk away while you’re talking to me or point out a zit. Zit, what zit?
Happy Thursday Thirteen
Great Posts!
Angie
http://frugalwahmstalkradio.com/
Wait, I’m only supposed to be that way a few days a month? S***, I’m a b***h!
Dear God, the only reason I can think of for getting
old is @$*+%#NO MORE PMSing#%+*$@…other
than that, this age thing stinks~
he he he. You are scary.
I likey.
You should check out the Jack and Jill series on my blog. I’ll bet you’d get into the ones I did two or three weeks ago.
OMG #5!
I’m laughing too hard to even read the rest (but I’ll be back!)
Well put, dammit.
And just wait until you’re old(er) like me and start moving into the delightful world of perimenopause… you think PMS is fun — you ain’t seen nothing yet.
I guess I’ll keep my HRT recommendation to myself as well, then. (HRT’s a band, btw.)
Scary 13!
so how is this any fucking different than the rest of the month?
Oh. My. Goodness.
The only thought that I have is: us men must be the crazy ones. Because in spite of all of those feelings that a LOT of women have…we still love you gals. We just can’t help it.
I love it…and love your blog! Happy TT!
lol you are hysterical!
13. Don’t take anything I do or say personally. I still love you to the sky, asshat.
This is the part, I think, that MY beloved has such a hard time with….
Yup. That’s about right.
I am so printing this out and sticking it in my husband’s briefcase!
Wow. That sounds really hard. I’ve never experienced anything like that – low estrogen girl here. I am really sorry you have to go through it.
I know I said this before… but…. In my experience with people, the things that come out at ‘that time of the month’ are bottled up feelings, experiences and traumas. Once those things are resolved, these issues dissipate.
((hug))
How awful
Asshat is my new favorite word. Although Mo-HEE-Toe is a close second.
@ poppingbubbles ~ Are you sure you don’t have MPD? I am not sure who is going to comment on my blog from day to day. Love you! And, you, can borrow because you ASK!!!!
@ yoonamaniac ~ If you cannot joke about it, what can you do? I know. Kill someone. Muahahahahahahahaha!
@ NotAMeanGirl ~ I am so ready to bleed at this point.
@ MissAttitude ~ I said it in my best ever Alex Forrest voice. He should know better.
@ Angie ~ Thanks for stopping by. I hope I did not scare you away. And, if I did, buh-bye!
@ greytfriend and @Debbie ~ You do not have to fucking censor yourself on my bitching blog ………. ever …. seriously! I hate censorship.
@ Kelley ~ You, my pet, are the scariest of them all. I worship you.
@ Alice ~ I will do if you promise to return and worship me like the goddess I am.
@ Pop Tart ~ You better have come back and finished the list. I read your whole vintagy post because I am retro like that.
@ Citizen Janey ~ That’s my fear. I remember my mother’s journey. There’s a reason I call her Sybil.
@ Carol ~ Oh, I am a psycho hose beast every day. This one was kind of mild. You should come around more often. If I scared you off, oh well, no love lost.
@ ANONYMOUS (Better know as Boog the Asshat): I’ll get you, my pretty!
@ Bubba ~ That’s what I keep saying to Boog. If I am such a PHB, why does he keep coming back for more?
@ Janet ~ Read more about female hysteria here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria (It hits the nail on the head. LMFAO)
@ Mrs. Chili ~ After 12 years, he knows to stay the HELL away when the batshit schizo comes out. I do love him.
@ Susan ~ I am always right.
@ Robin ~ Go for it. I dare you.
@ Claudia ~ BFO (Blinding flash of the obvious, new readers): I already know I have issues. Muah! I still love you anyway.
@ fandpinlv ~ Fucktard is running a close second this week.
This is mine: Don’t walk away from me when I am talking. I will NOT be ignored.
I am so sending this link to my husband!
I have starred this post in my feed reader so I can return to it in a few days when I am full-on PMSing.
Great post and I totally agree with #13. I need to remind certain people of that from time to time as well. Happy TT!
i don’t know you, but i love you. well said!
my tt is about july4
@ Saintseester ~ Send away. All significant others needed to be educated.
@ Poppy ~ You are so in my lover, too. (That’s what I call Google Reader).
@ Chris ~ I had to remind him in this post. He’s usually my only “anonymous” commenter.
@ she ~ Thanks, I love me, too. I am fucking fabulous!
ROFLMAO….man, you hit the nail on the head. I busted up laughing. I copied and pasted it to my DBF. He needs to get a clue. Thanks…thats the first time Ive laughed today. Happy TT and thanks for stopping by:)
Ditto to every. single. one. I think each one of these has passed through my mind at least once today
ha, that’s awesome. words to the wise! or not so wise.
I need to print this out and hand it off to my husband before we embark on another driving trip during my period and he wonders why I am so cranky and jumpy. I really could have used this yesterday…
@ Lori ~ Oh, I am working on an addendum to this one for a future TT. Just when I think Boog had done it all, he crossed the line again. LOL!
@ Sandy ~ Glad I am not alone
@ Robin ~ Words to the asshat
@ liprap ~ I would have killed him if we had been on any extended car trip this week.