I have been feeling a little homesick the last few days. It usually happens when I am bored. I tend to get a little nostalgic and wax poetic about wanting to move back to Bum Fuck Egypt, Louisiana, going back to the classroom, raising some pigs or chickens, or farming crawfish or rice. The truth is small town life has its moments. And those moments are usually shared at the local beauty shop, over a lunch plate at the diner, across the trailer park, or in the local newspaper.
Sybil used to send me the weekly (or is it, weakly?) local newspaper. She stopped several years back, claiming they were going online soon. That did not happen until recently, and I was thrilled to see it pop up on The Dead Pelican. I was in some serious withdrawals for the police reports. Oh, yeah, they publish that shit in my redneck hometown’s newspaper. And I will share some of the most recent activity here for your amusement.
June 25
7:10 a.m. License plate stolen, Veterans Dr.
10:19 a.m. Disturbance, Perriotti.
10:27 a.m. Accident, East Laurel.
11:03 a.m. Accident, East Laurel.
1:39 p.m. Lawn mower and gas can stolen, Fruge.
3:58 p.m. Hit and run, Wal-Mart.
5:22 p.m. Subject hallucinating, East Ardoin.
6:20 p.m. Bicyclist hit by car, West Park. (Responding officer notes no car-bike accident; drunk cyclist fell off his bike.)
8:43 p.m. Disturbance, Carron & Myers.
11:50 p.m. Juveniles shooting fireworks, Lewis & Myers.
12:15 a.m. (Thur.) Disturbance, Dug Out.June 26
7:20 a.m. Cars egged, Betty.
12:12 p.m. Disturbance, Eunice High.
1:07 p.m. Parish inmate van broken down, inmates getting rowdy, U.S. 190 & East.
6:47 p.m. Disturbance, Best Western.
8:48 p.m. Accident, East Laurel.
9:23 p.m. Theft, College Road.
9:43 p.m. Disturbance, Rodney.
9:53 p.m. Fireworks, North 2nd.
10:53 p.m. Criminal mischief, South 4th.
11:48 p.m. Fireworks, Beulah Gardens.
12:47 a.m. (Fri.) Disturbance, Acadia.
1:39 a.m. Car window broken, Taco Bell.
1:39 a.m. Disturbance, Acadia.
3:09 a.m. Criminal mischief, Halsey. June 24
8:28 a.m. Abandoned motorcycle with stolen plate, Good Hope Apts.
11:01 a.m. Hit and run, LSUE.
11:47 a.m. Disturbance, College Road.
12:13 p.m. Disturbance, Tammy’s Antiques.
1:44 p.m. Disturbance, Farris & U.S. 190.
2:19 p.m. Juveniles yelling at woman, showing their private parts, Benoit.
3:06 p.m. Accident, Crispy Cajun.
4:25 p.m. Disturbance, Acadian.
5:27 p.m. Hit and run, Anne.
6:44 p.m. Theft, West Peach.
7:05 p.m. 12-year-old chased by juvenile with pit bull, North St. George.
10:28 p.m. Subjects dogfighting, Fuselier.
10:40 p.m. Disturbance, Anne.
11:55 p.m. Disturbance, North 3rd.June 23
5:36 a.m. Garbage truck fire, MLK & East Vine.
7:34 a.m. Bicycle stolen, Mill.
8:48 a.m. Disturbance, Boudreaux.
9:02 a.m. Lawn mower stolen, East Vine.
9:50 a.m. Disturbance, College Road.
12:32 p.m. Forgery, Wal-Mart.
3:41 p.m. Disturbance, North 2nd.
5:04 p.m. Accident, West Laurel.
5:07 p.m. Theft, East Peach.
5:33 p.m. Bicycle stolen, S&C.
6:16 p.m. Simple assault, East Dean.
6:40 p.m. Attempted overdose, West Maple.
9:58 p.m. Subject said girl friend left Saturday night to get beer and hasn’t returned, wants to file missing person report.
It was that last one that prompted this entry. Redneck moments make the best memories. If you can’t make ‘em, retell ‘em.
Now, y’all come back now. Ya’ hear?
Wouldn’t it be funny if rednecks blogged? I don’t mean the faux rednecks who write funny stuff about being a redneck. They are educated and can spell. I want the ones who live to get on Jerry Springer out there for me to read. Can’t you just imagine what that guy whose girlfriend went “missing” would write?
But, I guess they are running rampant on the internet.
Aren’t Aren’t running rampant - why the hell can’t I type what is actually in my brain?
@ saintseester : rednecks do blog, xD. I’m technically redneck, ROFL
Hee hee, I wonder if he’s more worried about the beer that never came or the girlfriend, ROFL.
We do this when we’re in Durango, CO where my husband is from. I’d do it in my hometown, but it’s been taken over by movie people so it’s all movie people bs…. sad but true.
Maybe a visit would cure this longing?
MMMM I do love me some rednecks. In fact, when people come over for drinks, I serve wine in plastic cups because I don’t have space for real wine glasses. I think this might make me a Manhattan redneck.
Great post! I’ve seen my fair share here of rednecks on vacation including the guy who bought us the shots last night;-)
They publish who got a ticket for speeding in Cody, Wyoming.
True.
Hillbillies blog. I’m technically a hillbilly. Even though I live in a place in which a hill was created to show everybody what one looks like…
And the last thing I want is somebody who has just found their car by mowing their lawn to be building up some sort of RednecKos. It scares me a little.
@ Saintseester ~ That gives me an idea for a post … hmmm.
@ Sarah ~ Who knows? Thanks for stopping by.
@ Claudia ~ It’s too freaking humid in Lousyanna right now.
@ Nina ~ Solo cups are the best!
@ MissAttitude ~ A-hem: beer box hat. I’m just sayin’.
@ Nunsense ~ The arrest report is a whole other post. Yes, it is published as well.
@ Liprap ~ I’ve been to a few places in good ol’ NOLA that border on serving moonshine, so I think your hilly town qualifies.
Sarah and Liprap, you guys might call yourselves redneck and hillbilly bloggers but what I want to see are those drunken guys getting arrested in their underwear on COPS blogging.
Actually, Seestergirl, so would my husband. He sees COPS as another kind of travel show as it is.
I can’t say anything I am basically a redneck in a white liberal womans body