Neither of my parents know about or read this blog so I always feel safe pissing and moaning about them or sharing their idiosyncrasies for the world to enjoy. In celebration of Father’s Day, I give you a few words from Sanford’s vocabulary. Enjoy!
Snot rag - Kleenex or handkerchief
Moon fleas - In case you did not know, Earth did not have common fleas until man walked on the moon and brought them back in 1969. (Yes, there are 497 other bullshit stories like this one in his head.)
Frozed - the past tense of freeze
Poop paper - toilet paper
Scraps - leftovers
Chubby - pet name for my mom (You know her as Sybil on this blog.)
Fonky - pet name for me (Read all about it here. By the way, he is the only person who is allowed to call me Fonky. Don’t even try. )
Flea Fly - pet name for my younger sister
Bullhead - pet name for my nephew (He’s almost 5 now, and his stubborn streak has multiplied.)
Night Rider - pet name for my first boyfriend after he arrived to pick me up after dark on a school night (Until this day, he refers to him by this name.)
Kunta Kinte - pet name for my second boyfriend whose real name was Toby (He also called him Pretty Boy Floyd because, well, he was the late 80’s version of metrosexual.)
Strawberry Hill - pet name for another boyfriend who brought me home puking drunk on the Boone’s vintage of the same name (We later reunited after college and lived together briefly. He still called him SH.)
Plus an ever-growing assortment of racial slurs that I will NEVER ever repeat here or elsewhere. Some of them are funnier than hell in that “I’m not prejudiced but” sort of way.
Happy Father’s Day, Sanford!
I love you to the sky,
Fonky
I’m glad you can take it with a grain of salt and a good laugh. I feel the same way about my folks. I got great video of my daughter this weekend, but until I can edit the ignorant racial commentary of my father it will not be shared outside the family. Sigh.
My husband calls ‘em snot rags, too, and he grew up in No-Cal. And my own dad has taken to sarcastically calling some events/things/whatever “Orgasmic!”
My personal fave is when he mixes up words, though - “Dogs of bag food” is a classic.
Hope Sanford ad your husband have had a great Father’s Day!
just stumbled across your blog via sizzle says. it’s great, i’m glad i found it, and i look forward to reading more!