I Have Issues with my Issues
11 May
Those of you who read the “Blurting about the Hurt”post last Sunday probably have put two and two together and already know that Mother’s Day is not a good day for me. I absolutely positively undoubtedly DREAD this day each and every year for the eight years Boog and I have been married. So far today, I have been throwing a pity party for myself. I know better, but I am doing it anyway. Boog is napping when I feel like he should be distracting me. I know it is not his job to help me get past my issues. They are my issues, but I want him to do something or say something to make it all better. Some of you are probably canceling your subscription to my blog because you are tired of my issues. I am tired of my issues too. I am beginning to write about them a little more freely as a means of working through them. You have the option of clicking the little X at the top of your page, but for me it is more serious than closing out a web page.
As I have been reading blogs today, I have come across the usual sentimental posts, and a few that are not so sentimental. I could write an entry today about my own mother, but I cannot find the words. I could write an entry about my sister, but that just brings up the hurt about me not being a birth mother. I could write an entry about the wonderful real and virtual mothers I know and adore, but that only makes this feeling grow stronger.
I discovered that that I have a new label … one that bothers me more than I thought it would. I am a childless stepmom. Typing it makes me sob uncontrollably. it is a label that I am not totally willing to accept. After googling it, I learned that I am not alone, and there are many other women out there who are dealing with the same issues I have. Maybe I am not ready to take on the alternate label of bonus mom, but I know this much is true.
I want this day to be over.
I hate this day with a passion. Next year we go out and get shnockered, ok?
I love my dogs, but if one more person tells me I am a fur mother I am going to smack them across the fucking face.
There, I feel better. How about you?
Only a few more hours and this day will slink off into the past, my dear. I’m so sorry this sucks for you. You don’t need a reminder that you feel like something is missing.
And you know what? It doesn’t make you a bad person for feeling like shit today. Issues? Everyone has ‘em and what the hell good is a blog if you can’t use it to work some of those issues out?
You are not alone. I hate mother’s day too. My own mother is delighted that she hasn’t seen or heard from me in over 20 years. She revels in the fact that I will never be in her life again.
Sadly there isn’t a “your mother hates you” day.
I do like Bonus Mom.
Or what June Carter Cash said. All the children where her children – no steps. Maybe you should just claim the kid and get it over with. He certainly could use another mother.
(((((hugs))))) ¥ that’s a full martini glass. Have one over the interwebs with me! We’ll have a real one soon. You know you can call me and pour out your pity party any old time, that’s what friends are for….when Boog wakes up, go out and eat/drink something fabulous and terrible for you!
I’m so sorry. Just two more hours and it’s gone, gone, gone. *hug*
More ((((((hugs)))))) from moi. Mother’s Day will be ovah soon, and then we can ALL rejoice.
Couple of M-Day thoughts for ya:
http://g-bitch.com/?p=473
http://liprapslament-theline.blogspot.com/2008/05/best-ever-mothers-day-card-from-my.html
I’ll NOT be canceling my subscription, that’s for sure.
I wish I could say something that would make it better, but I know there are no such words. I’m sorry…
I don’t know what to say at all. Just wanted to send you a hug.
Personally I would love a year without holidays. Any of them.