I Read Banned Books

Two of these are actual quotes from Monkey Boy’s mouth. It will be a long and possibly smelly six weeks. Can you spot the lie?

1. “I did take a bath … Sunday night.” (On Wednesday)

2. “Do I have to wash my hair when I shower?”

3. “Why can’t I go to sleep in my clothes?

Booger Bear has an “I’ll be back” mentality when it comes to hernias. After his third hernia surgery on April 26 failed to correct the recurring problem, he was forced to have surgery for a fourth (and hopefully final) time today. This was decided after a second opinion and much debated pros and cons list. He is home recuperating and will be a wee bit grumpy for a few days as anesthesia is not his friend (but Lortab is). With Monkey Boy being here (report of adventures to follow in another entry this week), I won’t have to wait on him solely, but I would. MB had questions, of course, and we answered as many as we could in layman’s terms. Upon further research of my own, I found that Wikipedia used an excellent analogy to describe what a hernia is. Always being an educator, I had to share it with MB and my faithful or occasional readers.

According to Wikipedia, a hernia is a protrusion of a tissue, structure, or part of an organ through the muscular tissue or the membrane by which it is normally contained. The hernia has 3 parts: the orifice through which it herniates, the hernial sac, and its contents. A hernia may be likened to a failure in the sidewall of a pneumatic tire.(See side photo.) The tire’s inner tube behaves like the organ and the sidewall like the body cavity wall providing the restraint. A weakness in the sidewall allows a bulge to develop, which can become a split, allowing the inner tube to protrude, and leading to the eventual failure of the tire.

Interestingly enough, the general discharge instructions for patients receiving anesthesia contained the usual and obvious instructions such as rest, ice, liquids, medicine with food, etc. Three items stood out under the underlined subheading FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS:

1. Do not drive a car, operate machinery or power tools, or use kitchen appliances.
2. Do not drink alcoholic beverages, including beer.
3. Do not make any important decisions or sign any legal documents.

WTF? I suppose that ruins my fantasy of BB serving me breakfast in bed with pancakes and French-pressed gourmet coffee with Bailey’s Irish Cream while we discuss having children. (Snicker)

Among the DOCTORS SPECIAL DISCHARGE INSTRUCTIONS were the following:

1. OK to shower in 24 hrs.
2. NO LIFTING greater than 25 lbs for 4 weeks

Again, WTF? He better shower after 24 hours, or he will have his R&R on the sofa. If he lifts anything greater than 25 lbs for the next 4 weeks, he’ll blow his side out. Hence the title of this entry!

However, through the power of suggestion, I would like to remind BB that the shelves I want installed in the closet do NOT weigh more than 25 lbs.

For the three people who have insulted me in the past three days, you know who you are.

Bookmarked – Courtesy of Sweet Memes

One Web site you can’t live without:
Pink Is The New Blog

Two sites you don’t like to admit you visit:
Cute Overload and You Tube

Three sites you wish more people knew about:
PostSecret, iLL WiLL PreSS, MajorGeeks

Four great sites for wasting time:
IMDB, Wikipedia, I Am Bored, Fark

Five shopping sites you would love to win shopping sprees for:
Amazon, RedEnvelope, iTunes, Pottery Barn, Stenhouse Publishers

Those should keep you entertained for a while. Click and enjoy.

10 Favorites

Favorite Season: Autumn
Favorite Color: Fuschia
Favorite Time: Early evening
Favorite Food: Sushi and boiled crawfish
Favorite Drink: Diet Dr. Pepper (non-alcoholic) and Vodka (alcoholic)
Favorite Ice Cream: White chocolate or cake batter (Cold Stone)
Favorite Place: any bookstore
Favorite Sport: Football and basketball (to watch) and tennis (to play)
Favorite Actor: George W. Bush … No Idiot Left Behind
Favorite Actress: Britney Spears … my marriage is … “awesome!”

9 Currents

Current Feeling: Tense – I have a headache.
Current Drink: Diet Dr. Pepper
Current Time: 7:04 PM
Current Show on TV: Without a Trace
Current Mobile used: Palm Treo 650
Current Windows Open: Outlook, Blogger, Pandora
Current Underwear: White hi-cut Barely There
Current Clothes: Grey Student Council t-shirt and blue knit shorts
Current Thought: Is my laptop battery about to die?

8 Firsts

First Nickname: Fonky
First Kiss: Michael Myers
First Crush: Billy Gil
First Best Friend: Tina
First Vehicle I Drove: 78 Chevy Malibu Classic
First Job: Babysitter
First Date: Michael Myers
First Pet: Heidi (Dachshund)

7 Lasts

Last Drink: Diet Dr. Pepper
Last Kiss: Booger Bear before he left for work (awwwwwwwwwwww)
Last Meal: leftover pizza
Last Web Site Visited: Amazon
Last Movie Watched: X-Men 3 (theater) and The Door in the Floor (HBO)
Last Phone Call: Hair salon – appt. reminder – washing the gray right outta my hair
Last TV show Watched: Jeopardy

6 Have You Ever…

Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes
Have You Ever Been Drunk: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: yes
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: yes
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: yes
Have You Ever Broken Anyone’s Heart: Don’t think so; I was always the dumpee

5 Things

Things You Can Hear Right Now: air conditioner, vertical blinds moving, dog snoring
Things On Your Bed: pet and human hair
Things You Ate Today: bagel w/cream cheese, assorted salads, brownie, leftover pizza
Things You Can’t Live Without: famil, friends, foes, caffeine, PDA calendar, computer, camera, good hair products, eyebrow waxing, hair dye, mani/pedis
Things You Do When You Are Bored: watch tv, eat, surf the web, shop, procrastinate

4 Places You Have Been Today

Tuscany – the hotel/casino for a school leadership conference
Sweet Tomatoes
Borders
7-11

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now

iPod
used kleenex nabbed from the Terrorist
digital camera

2 Choices

Salt or Pepper: Pepper
Hot or Cold: Cold (It was over 110 degrees today!)

1 Place You Want To Visit

Ireland

I went to an inservice yesterday on engaging learners with about 300 other teachers and administrators. If you did not already know, educators are the WORST students! You’ll never f*cking believe how the speaker kept us engaged …………………….

He gave away these 21 inch inflatable toys to participants. These cute bovines inspired insightful answers, spirited competition, and envy in over 300 professionals who weren’t even from Wisconsin. Well, maybe a few were originally from Wisconsin.

Sadly, I was bummed out and a little jealous because I did not get a cow. Students everywhere will be chanted the following mantra at the end of August:

My teachers went to an inservice on engaging learners and all they got was a stupid sticker when they left which said ……………………..

Holy cow! I got engaged!

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!