A la parents:
1. “What do you mean he can’t bring a gun to school? It’s not in his Behavioral Intervention Plan.”
2. “I’m calling to reschedule our appointment because I got called into work late last night. I’m an entertainer at Cheetah’s.” (For the non Las Vegas readers, it’s an adult establishment.)
3. “No, I’m his great grandmother. I am 77 and raising three of my granddaughter’s children.”
A la teachers:
1. “I might be a bitch, but your momma’s a bitch too.” (to that “punk ass” student of hers)
2. “Do you ever imagine bringing an uzi into the cafeteria during lunch duty?” (to me)
3. “Why? I’ve never written an objective on the board or in my plans.” (to me)
A la students:
1. “He peed on my friend’s leg in the locker room.”
2. “Fuck you, bitch. Don’t talk to me. I hate you.” (Yes, I am the bitch in question.)
3. “I did not threaten him, but watch he gonna get his.” (Student to dean about principal)
OMG, this is unreal. You seriously need to start that book. Yeah, yeah, I know you have tons of extra time to write a book.
I love the one about the gun. God bless the federal government and the special education law. I don’t have a behavior plan, does that mean I get to carry a gun to school?